What
a way to spend my fortieth birthday, Sam thought as he stared
at the flashing calendar on the bottom of his screen - March 7th
2134. He stretched awkwardly in his pilot seat, still, I have
got to pay the bills, and when I arrive back on Earth in six days,
boy will there be a party! Blitz, his beloved catog licks the
back of his hand reassuringly.( It had been a stroke of genius
when he had cloned his last dog and cat into one perfect pet after
there death s, and this was going to be the first of a long succession
of identical Blitz s.)
Where
did life go wrong? Blitz lovingly looked up at his beloved master,
as if comprehending every word.
Forty
years old and still driving a goddamn intergalactic transporter,
this was not the plan I had in mind growing up I was going to
be someone.
Sam
examined the co-ordinates and seems satisfied. The first delivery
stop will be in less than an hour, to the planet Duzzel. He always
liked the Duzzies; they were such a friendly race. He remembered
being back at the academy as a young boy learning all about them.
When Earth began expanding into the universe under the pretense
of manifest destiny they had invaded dozens of small neighboring
planets and Duzzel was one of the first. Their lovely small planet,
had been apparently so beautiful, covered in blue trees and purple
flowers and quickly turned it into a galactic toxic dump. The
Duzzies had simply smiled, and welcomed them enthusiastically.
He
set the controls to auto command, just time for a micro-nap Blitz
he mused sleepily.
An
hour later Sam s seat vibrated him gently awake and he checked
his monitor. Good he thought as he sees the grey planet quickly
approaching, just on schedule.
He
made radio contact; English had long since been the intergalactic
official language.
This
is Sam Farnaby asking permission to dock.
There
was much excitement at the other end of the receiver as he could
hear cheering and clapping.
Those
Duzzies are just so darn nice, Earth could learn a lot from them.
He thought cheerfully.
A
few minutes later the thousand ton cargo ship was docking at the
distribution centre in Garup the capital of the small planet Duzzel.
This was an exciting time for his employee as these were the first
deliveries of the company s new product. For years there had only
been one beer available in the Universe, having long brought up
all of the competition. Duzzel had been a great market to capture,
five years ago they did not even know what alcohol was, and now
they were some of the biggest drinkers in the known universe.
Gallons of the frothy liquid were eagerly consumed by the average
Duzzie each week. Just as the beautiful landscape began to transform
so too were the Duzzies
Sam
suddenly got alarmed by the sight, and he brought his transporter
to a sudden halt. Surely something was wrong, terribly wrong.
A small army of Duzzies were descending on his ship, grasping
a variety of tools, and they were hissing uncontrollably with
their flabby nostrils flared. There usual smiling faces were gone,
replaced by ugly snarls and grimaces.
Oh
my God! Sam realized they are acting like drunken Earthlings hooligans.
The
Duzzies seemed to be enjoying there destructive spree, gleefully
demolishing the ship, seemingly just for the sport in it. As they
began singing songs that suspiciously sounded like English rugby
ones, they started unloading the cases of beer from the ship,
cases and cases of the company s new beer- Starlight!
The end.
