I
open the door and he climbs into the Hummer limo, his eyes already
looking for things to complain about. We hit the road. I drive.
He makes his calls.
After
an hour, the booze runs out. That's when he becomes chatty. They
all become chatty.
"So…
uh… what the fuck did you say your name was?" he calls
out.
"Hùmres,
sir."
"Henry?"
"Hùmres,
sir. Hoom-Ray. At your service."
"Damn
right. This place far?"
"Not
far, sir."
Smug
pricks like to feel superior; to believe they have something over
on me.
I
uncork the old charm. I smile.
He
looks like all the rest. Young. Sharp. Arrogant. Stars-in-his-eyes.
Middle Management. Junior Executive. Fucked.
An
hour ago, I picked him up at the airport. He acknowledged the
sign I held and left his suitcase behind for me to drag like a
dog on its leash.
This
shift can't be over fast enough. I've done three others today.
This one's my last. We're getting close to the Corporate Car Wash.
"I
mean, I join this fuckin' company and before HR sends me to orientation
and training and shit, they tell me I have to sit through a timeshare
talk in case I want to invest in the company condo," he blathers
on. "Ownership. They said they're all about ownership. I'll
show them ownership. I'll fuckin' run this place in two years."
He
truly believes that. They all truly believe that.
"Hey,
what the fuck is this?" asks Junior Executive.
"It'll
just be a moment, sir. Sit back and enjoy the show."
I
pop in the DVD as we drive into the dark portal.
"Wash
your fuckin' car on your damn…"
He
goes silent. They all go silent.
The
back seat windows turn into monitors. Multiple screens. They show
Junior Executive in a less-than-positive light. Every crooked
deal he's brokered. Every person whose rights he's trampled on.
Every law and regulation and policy he's wiped his ass with.
They've
been watching him ever since college when he showed the promise
to be of value to the Corporation. They know everyone's secrets.
He
screams and pounds and cries. They all do.
I
do my part as Orientation Field Lead for Human Resources.
The
show goes on for three hours.
He
is theirs. Utterly, totally, completely. They all are. Even Orientation
Field Leads.
Later,
when I drop off a more obedient and subservient model of Junior
Executive at Corporate, I clean off the backseat where he wet
himself. Then I finally get to go home to my time-share for the
night.
They're
all about ownership.
