Rule
number one: Be happy. Your troubles will soon be over!
Rule
number two: If you're going to shoot yourself in the head,
get it right on the first shot.
Nothing
is more humiliating for family and friends than someone surviving
a self-inflicted gunshot. Once a man tried to kill himself by
taking a gun to his head. He ended up doing a real bad job and
spent the rest of his life as a vegetable hooked up to machines.
Rule
number three: If you are going to shoot yourself, don't
leave a mess for someone else to clean up. What kind of person
do you want to be remembered as? The guy that left brains splattered
all over the floor for his wife to clean up? What, are you depressed
and an asshole?
Rule
number four: Be original. Find at least a unique way
to go out. Inspire creativity amongst the suicidal youth and miserable
housewives everywhere.
Rule
number five: If you are worried about going to hell, you may
want to reconsider. Or, you may consider the fact that you are
already there, and what could possibly be worse? After all, you
wouldn't be here if life was peachy keen.
Addendum
to rule number five: There is no hell. You simply got
a shitty deal in life and ending your misery is the only way out.
Rule
number six: Take care of unfinished business. Now is the time
to go tell that evil boss of yours to go bugger off.
Now,
for the substantially twisted group of you that feel you must
take someone down with you, here's a thought: Frame someone for
your murder. I mean if you're going to kill yourself, let someone
else take the blame, and everyone will remember you fondly as
the one whose life was cut short, stopped in his prime, ripped
off, short changed, got the short end of the stick, and so on.
Instead of course knowing what a real asshole you truly are for
framing an innocent person.
And
now I leave you with one final thought, as I am being carried
away by a strange looking creature with horns atop his head, and
a reddish tint to his skin, and WOW fire and brimstone are very
hot.
"There
is always someone better, brighter, and stronger than you,
so don't fret, you won't have to deal with that for much longer."
The End, Literally
